…And why so many Asian-American kids succeed so spectacularly relative to their western peers. The reason according to Amy Chua (a Yale law professor and certified Chinese mom) is a fundamental schism in how parents approach their kids’ self esteem:

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it’s math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.

But this, as Chua makes clear, isn’t something you can bottle and sell to American parents, because you’d have to overcome two competing paradigms:

1. Parents are wary of overly criticizing their kids or working them to death. American parents want well-rounded kids who “do their best.”
2. Not only does Chua’s “Chinese” method require their kids to work hard; the parents have to work hard, too. Because forcing your kid to study hard and practice piano is an exhausting commitment most parents aren’t willing to make.

There’s a caveat to that last bit that Chua elides. Many American parents are willing to drive their kids hard on one hobby or one goal. But it’s usually sports.

Unlike Chua, I’m not going to suggest her method of parenting is superior. But if you’ve ever wanted your kid to be the valedictorian, and a piano prodigy, and a law professor, you probably should read this article and take it to heart.  Even if you’re planning on coaching your kid to baseball or volleyball excess/success, it’s a good read for a different take on parenting.

Got home from work today, and this amazing bread pudding was waiting for me. You may remember, I have earlier blogged about Jordan’s bread pudding and it’s awesomeness. But this will be bittersweet. It is a goodbye gift As Jordan and Patrick have left to visit Florida to see his abuelito and abuelita (Patrick has a bit of Mexican heritage, too).  They will be gone until Friday.

Jordan and Patrick will be flying tomorrow, along with Jordan’s sister, Jessica, and her son, Gage. I already pity the poor people on this flight.

I will digress a moment to explain a point of order. If you read this blog at www.preddys.com, you’ve probably noticed the posts don’t feature a lot of comments. That’s because most of the comments we get are on Facebook (the social-networking site allows you to import your blog).

When I posted a humorous ad a few days ago, a couple of friends of mine posted to Facebook some helpful travel hints for flying with small children. I thought I’d share with you non-Facebookers—and future Googlers—a bit of this advice.

First, my pal Tanuj:

We’ve flown a ton with our girls – Zinnia’s first flight was at 3 weeks old, and we just got back from India with two of ‘em! We’ve mostly gotten compliments, but a couple times out of the couple dozen trips we’ve flown ours have been “those kids.”

Tips:

1. Snacks – for an infant, the key is nursing (bring a light blanket/jacket for b-feeders, or a couple of bottles.) Helps a ton for the pressure change, and tends to make ‘em sleepy

For a toddler, bring a couple favorite snacks, along with milk. Airlines are inconsistent about having milk available, so you can’t really count on it. You can actually carry on sippy cups full of milk through domestic security now (they just pass it by an explosives tester.) For the pressure change, lollipops are great.

2. Toys – I bring two ziploc bags full of little wind-up toys and light up toys, metering out the goodies as the flight goes to keep ‘em distracted.
Now we also bring story books and washable crayons/markers, which brings me to:

3. Changes of clothes – most lavatories have changing tables, so you are OK there. We find that our kids somehow manage to go through more clothes that we expected, and we got our connection in Newark to Denver on our India trip I thought the gate agent was going to call CPS on us as our girls were flithy. When the girls were infants, they seemed to only have diaper failure when we travelled – we ended up starting the flight in clothes we were ready to pitch. Don’t forget to get toddlers to pee before boarding and before approach. Also, consider a change for YOURSELF – I’ve been vomited and pooped on several times (both ways to India – fun fun fun for 15 hours in a plane.) Finally, don’t forget the grocey bags for dirty diapers / clothes / etc.

4. Other thoughts:

- the airline supplied earbud don’t work for toddlers. Bring your own from home.

- try to schedule around naps so the are getting sleepy right at takeoff. We’ve used benadryl to help with time change / nap time changes (yes, we are bad, bad parents.)

- gate agents are inconsistent about special pre-boarding for families.

- you can get check strollers and car seats for free. take advantage of that

- don’t forget that you need to take proof of age for some airlines if you don’t buy the child a seat. Southwest are sticklers for this – we got spoiled by Continental never asking, and then had to buy a one-way ticket for Sage at the check in counter

- plan to get to the airport about 90 to 120 minutes before the flight, as you often have to get a special lap child boarding pass from the ticket counter (can’t get it always with online check in.) and you’ll some airlines have the “slow lane” in security for families with kids.

- if one parent is flying with multiple kids, you can get a helper to get through security and one to meet you at the gate. Call the airline ahead about that.

Now here’s Jeremy, whose advice is less concrete but much funnier:

You need pockets, man. Lots and lots of pockets, all filled with various toys with which to keep the little guy entertained.

When they’re little, you can try to request the bulkhead seat — the plane’s got these cool little crib things that attach to the bulkhead and strap the kid down, which is *very* cool if you need a break from holding a baby on a long flight.

Of course, the best option is to make sure there’s another kid on the plane who’s even louder/sicker/angrier than yours. On Abbie’s first flight, she had some major crying spells (pressure change baaaaad), but there was a newborn further back who cried THE WHOLE TIME, so everybody around us kept telling us how great *our* kid was. Win!

I am happy to say this advice will be of no use to me this week, as I am safe at home and at work. Jordan and Jess are on their own flying with two kids under 2. But these are certainly wise words from two dads/pals who have braved the unfriendly skies before; this advice will aid me in the future. Perhaps it will aid you as well.

Two
My pal Ty who’s a veteran father and surly genius had this to say on the subject:

Ty:  did i tell you my thing about fatherhood?

me:  no.

Ty: its like falling in love but the fear of rejection is replaced by the fear of everything else in the world

me:  that seems scarily accurate

Ty:  I may be dumb but I can see a thing or two

everything is now electricity and sharp corners